Dealing with Dirty Laundry

By Alexander Carpenter

In late January the Spectrum Blog hosted a contest in celebration for our 1000th comment (we're over 1700 so another contest is comin' up). Several people wrote in about what they'd change about Adventism. You can read their responses here.

One essay, by JeriAnne Berry, expressed frustration at the church's treatment of sexual abuse.  I asked her raise our awareness in constructive ways by writing further on the subject. She approaches the issue from the angle of truth which -- in light of the recent discussions about truth, evolution, and biblical literalism -- adds a layer that we might consider.

Jared Wright and David Larson both astutely pointed out that while truth sets us free from error, it doesn't automatically save us eternally. Yup, I believe that's faith's department. Therefore where does truth matter? JeriAnne's concern -- in the context of her experience -- reveals that truth also means believing in more than the bible and perhaps finding the truth in those we've hurt.
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By JeriAnne Berry

Dirty laundry is something with which we all are familiar. Every organization -- and every person --  has some. For some time now I have struggled with the double standard apparent in the Adventist church in relation to sexual abuse by its leaders and members and the help offered or not offered to the victims.

When I attempted to air some very hurtful things that had happened to me this double standard became too much for me to fight and I removed myself from the church so that I could continue to grow spiritually.  What I want to write about here deals with that.

The SDA church has truth.  Truth comes in many different forms.  Some truths are lovely and easy to accept, some are not so lovely and some are just plain unacceptable even though they are still truth!  These unacceptable truths might be called the church’s dirty laundry.  The truth of child sexual abuse is in that basket.

I know that no one likes this subject.  Congregations shrink from its discussion.  And those who have been most affected, the victims, find that the consequences of their attempts to bring the issues into light and hopefully into justice result in blame and denial.  Light and Justice is an expectation that just seems to be impossible in the Adventist church at this point.  Some victims have even been told that though their report of abuse was believed, if the church helped them they would have to help all the other victims of that perpetrator and that would not be acceptable.  It is this attitude that causes all sorts of problems for victims and makes it difficult for them to remain loyal to the church.

In preparing for this article I did some research into what <em>is</em> being done.  The formation of the Sexual Ethics Committee in 1992 was certainly a good step in the right direction, but as I looked at the web site that lists its policies and procedures I found that they have not yet defined clearly what it is they are dealing with.   Defining Child Sexual Abuse as “the Sexual Abuse or exploitation of a Child by any person” is NOT a workable definition. It is too broad.  I believe this illustrates the reluctance of the responsible church leaders and some local congregations to really look at what sexual abuse consists of in clear specific terms. This can mask an unwillingness to accept abuse as a relevant issue in their midst.

And yet I and many others exist who can tell in specific terms exactly how it was and how it has blackened whole lives and relationships with both God and the Church.  It doesn’t matter what Truths the church may have a firm grasp on, if they are unable to deal with this Truth and implement effective ways to deal with it than nothing else is important.  I am sure Satan would have it that way!

There are those within the SDA church who care deeply about this issue and have put their concern into action. The following links are to some of these groups.

http://www.advocateweb.org/cease/washrecommend.htm

http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/

These groups are doing a wonderful thing to help those who have already been abused and to raise the cry that change is needed. But until Adventist leaders and some congregations put in place the needed changes to protect their children and to insure that there is a process in place to give impartial assistance to those who have complaints of abuse, the abuses will continue. Justice will NOT be done.  And victims will continue to feel that all the doctrines they have been taught are now compromised by their bigger and more powerful spiritual truth; God’s name has been associated with the abuse that has destroyed their heart! It is this illogic that causes victims to lose faith in the God their church professes to serve.

It is common in any organization where there is a hierarchy of power that, when allegations of wrongdoing are made, those in the highest powers will:

1. Deny

2. Minimize

3. Blame the accuser. 

Often victims of abuse in the Adventist church have met this same tactic if not in a formal way then by the individuals who want to protect those in power.  Adventist victims often report finding these same tactics when they finally gather the courage to report what has happened. A truth-loving church should want to know the honest account of any of their hurting members as they seek to lead them to healing.

There are ways to develop this kind of response in the church. Ken Sande, President of Peacemaker Ministries, states:

“Sexual abuse in the church does not have to end in broken lives, agonizing lawsuits, and divided congregations. When people follow God's ways and words, these terrible incidents can result in healing, justice, and healthier churches.

When victims of abuse first come forward, I have found that most of them are seeking four reasonable responses.

First: they are looking for understanding, compassion, and emotional support.

Second: they want the church to admit that the abuse occurred and to acknowledge that it was wrong.

Third, they want people to take steps to protect others from similar harm. And

Fourth, they expect compensation for the expense of needed counseling.”

Peacemaker Ministries presents a Biblical way to effectively deal with conflicts of all kinds and a way to build a community that has at its core accountability principles and policies.  Scripture blesses the work of a peacemaker.  Peacemakers are as concerned with justice as they are with conflict resolution and good appearances. A Peacemaker demands accountability as well as forgiveness. A Peacemaker understands that forgiveness is not just a loophole allowing the abuse to continue. For those of us who must deal with the dirtiest of religion’s laundry these principles are crucial to our continuing to be a part of the community of the church. 

If God is not big enough to deal with this He isn’t to be trusted at all.  Most of us who are surviving sexual abuse know HE IS big enough to save.  What is needed now is a demonstration that Adventist leaders and the local churches believe this truth and can act accordingly.

Comments

[Trevan Osborn]

JeriAnne,

Thanks for this article. I too hope more is done and that this article raises awareness and leads to greater action.

[Peggy Harris]

Excellent comments, JeriAnne. I'd like to pass this along.

Peggy

[Crystal Riseley]

Thank you JeriAnne for bringing up a delicate subject. Delicate at least for some people. For me it is not delicate, but harsh and an everyday reality. I have been through a SEC...and it was horrible. I have been pleading with "Responsible Church Leaders" for several years now to help me with the cost of my therapy in association with molestation by a Bible teacher in Academy. I do not think there are any "Responsible Church Leaders." I cannot find any. The people hurt by sexual preditors in our church are swept under that proverbial rug. It is so hard to be heard. Good luck with your struggle to find good people in Gods Church. People who are not afraid to face ugliness, and do something about it....
Crystal Riseley

[David Hamstra]

JeriAnne:

Thank you for your article. I like your notion on the two edged sword of truth--the truth about God and the truth about me. As Adventists, it's often easier to confess the former than the later.

Our church recently paid to have windows installed in all the interior doors. When it was explained to one Sabbath School class that it was for their protection a little boy said, "Thank you! I like being safe."

Even if nothing does happen (and I pray it doesn't), that comment alone makes the expense worth it.

[JeriAnne Berry]

There are so many though for whom the church has NOT been safe! I wish it were as easy as installing new windows!

It would simply help a lot if some windows were installed in the leaders and members hearts and minds so that they could see the incredible devastation that happens when trusted members, teachers and/or preachers betray their sacred trust and sexually abuse a child of God!

There is nothing that can undo the damage though some degree of healing can happen.

The organization Darkness to Light understands that protecting the children that churches and other organizations serve is the one of thw most important things that can happen. They have a wonderful program that can be completed online or in facilitator led discussion groups! They point out that Sexual Abuse is NOT taboo in our society (and I would include, in the SDA church) But talking about Sexual Abuse IS TABOO!

Their mission is concise and pointed:

1. Shift responsibility for child sexual abuse prevention from children to adults.

2. Reduce child sexual abuse through adult-based education and awareness.

3. Provide adults with information to prevent, recognize and react responsibly.

Here is the link to their site:
http://www.darkness2light.org/

If there is a difference to be made we MUST talk about sexual abuse and discuss it as a real problem. Then solutions MUST be found to prevent more children from the devastation of abuse. Some measure of justice offered Must be offered to those already abused. Our fear must NOT keep us from dealing head on with the problem.

Right now most SDA congregations are prime places for perpetrators to hang out because of the denial that exists! If the leaders and the congregations would, they could make it clear that this would NOT be tolerated and put in place the policies that would prevent it from happening as well as empower those abused to talk and to find healing.

The programs are already in place for the asking. But as long as SDA congregations deny that it could happen to them, the abuses will continue and children will continue to die emotionally and spiritually.

[Vernon Fisk]

Oh, and let's not forget the financial compensation.

[Girl]

Financial compensation? When will Adventists understand that they could bring truckloads of money to the victims and still not heal the wounds? Money won't solve this problem! It isn't, nor has it ever been, about the money. It's about trying, somehow, to bring dignity and love back into a shattered life. SDA's don't blink twice over sueing someone over a minor car crash but get all huffy at the idea of lawsuits over broken children. This upsets me more than I can ever say. Thank you JeriAnne.

[JeriAnne Berry]

Thank You!!!!! While our lives as survivors is a huge struggle due to the increased medical issues and psychological counseling that goes on for years and years, we still would rather see some understanding and an honest dealing with the issue than the crap we get when we try to find healing in the SDA church!!

The crap being defined as:
1. denial
2. minimization
3. blame the victim

The last of which is usually what is happening when people claim that all we want is money!

[Girl]

Me too, actually. So I understand 100 percent. I'm really thankful you're out there, writing these things.

The whole money thing makes me shiver. There is money for new carpets, new churches, and on and on and on. But for counseling for someone who has been raped in the sanctuary they blithely recarpet? Uh uh. No way. Get out of here. It was your fault, you shouldn't have been walking around the church.

Sometimes I feel like I'm this great big wound walking around, and maybe God's gonna come with a Neosporin cloud and rain on me, and clothe me in band-aids.

But then he doesn't.